Smiles Are Contagious
Do you believe that smiles are contagious? What happens when you share a smile? Do you get one back? Or do you get a frown or ignored? How do you feel when your smile goes ignored? Next time you need a smile give one and see what happens. If someone is too wrapped up in their bad mood or bad day, they could really use a smile, but not everyone looks outside when they are in a state of grumpiness, worry, sadness, grief, or depression.
Don’t give up. Be the happy person in life. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are up to.
Have You Taken This IQ Test?
It seems no matter how many times I take this, I still manage to surprise myself with the results.
Dementia Quiz
Below are four (4 ) questions and a Bonus question to test your perception, reasoning and the quickness of your logical processing.
They are stated simply so you should try to answer them instantly ..
To assure the accuracy of the results, you should not take your time; but instead, answer each of them immediately.
OK?
Let’s find out just how clever you really are….
Ready? GO!!! (scroll down slowly to uncover Q’s and A’s )
First Question :
You are a participant in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?
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Answer : If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely WRONG! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, YOU are in second place!
Try not to screw up next time. Now answer the second question, but don’t take as much time as you took for the first question, OK?
Second Question :
I f you overtake the last person, then you are…?
(scroll down)
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Answer : If you answered that you are second to last, then you are ; ; ; ;WRONG again. Tell me Sunshine, how can you overtake the LAST person??
You’re not very good at this, are you?
Third Question :
V ery tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator .
Try it.
Take 1000 and add 40 to it.. Now add another 1000 Now add 30 . Add another 1000 . Now add 20 . Now add another 1000 . Now add 10 . What is the total?
Scroll down for the correct answer…..
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Did you get 5000 ?
The correct answer is actually 4100 ..
If you don’t believe it, check it with a calculator!
To day is definitely not your day, is it?
Maybe you’ll get the last question right… Maybe…
Fourth Question:
Mary’s father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono, and ? ?? What is the name of the fifth daughter?
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Did you Answer Nunu? NO! Of course it isn’t.
Her name is Mary you retard! Read the question again!
Okay, now the Bonus round ,
I.e., a final chance to
Redeem yourself:
A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.
Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?
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It’s really very simple
He opens his mouth and ask for it….
Does your employer actually pay you to think??
If so Do NOT let them see your answers for this test!
PASS THIS ON TO FRUSTRATE THE
SMART PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE!
Have a nice day, one and all.
A Redneck Love Poem
A REDNECK LOVE POEM
SUSIE LEE DONE FELL IN LOVE,
SHE PLANNED TO MARRY JOE.
SHE WAS SO HAPPY ‘BOUT IT ALL,
SHE TOLD HER PAPPY SO.
PAPPY TOLD HER, SUSIE GAL,
YOU’LL HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER.
I’D JUST AS SOON YO’ MA DON’T KNOW,
BUT JOE IS YO’ HALF BROTHER.
SO SUSIE PUT ASIDE HER JOE
AND PLANNED TO MARRY WILL.
BUT AFTER TELLING PAPPY THIS,
HE SAID, ‘THERE’S TROUBLE STILL.’
YOU CAN’T MARRY WILL, MY GAL,
AND PLEASE DON’T TELL YO’ MOTHER.
BUT WILL AND JOE, AND SEVERAL MO’
I KNOW IS YO’ HALF BROTHER.
BUT MAMA KNEW AND SAID, MY CHILD,
JUST DO WHAT MAKES YO’ HAPPY.
MARRY WILL OR MARRY JOE;
YOU AIN’T NO KIN TO PAPPY.
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(Kinda brings a tear to yer eye, don’t it?)
Senior Citizens Roadtrip~Joke
Seniors on a Road Trip
While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a
roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal,
they left the restaurant and resumed their trip. When
leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on
the table and she didn’t miss them until they had been
driving about twenty minutes.
By then, to add to the
aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they
could find a place to turn around in order to return to the
place where they ate.
The elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man.
He fussed and complained and scolded his wife relentlessly during the
entire return drive. The more he chided her — the more
agitated he became. He just wouldn’t let up.
To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant. As the woman got out of the car and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the
old geezer yelled to her. “While you’re in there, you might as well get
my hat and the credit card!”
Has that ever happened to you? Does it remind you of anyone? Sometimes jokes are not that far away from reality.
The Gym Membership Gift~Funny!
A WOMAN’S WEEK AT THE GYM
If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.
Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, my Husband (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.
Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
My husband seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
________________________________
MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god – with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!
Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!
Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!
________________________________
TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It’s a whole new life for me.
_______________________________
WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn’t try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other shit too.
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THURSDAY:
Asshole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn’t help being a half an hour late – it took me that long to tie my shoes.
He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom.. He sent some skinny bitch to find me.
Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine — which I sank.
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FRIDAY:
I hate that bastard Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.
Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don’t have any triceps! And if you don’t want dents in the floor, don’t hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn’t it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
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SATURDAY:
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.
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SUNDAY:
I’m having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun — like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!
Happy New Year~Is Your Mailbox full?
Wow it is January 2 already. Only a few more months until Christmas.
However, all my email is pointing to clearance sales and getting rid of
inventory, and dieting, and Valentines Day! Wow, I still have all
my Christmas goodies to eat and enjoy. Who can even think of
dieting when there is all this good stuff to eat.
Did you eat all your Christmas, and other holiday treats in a week?
I have been building up my winter layer of protective insulation since
October. Now I am supposed to go cold turkey (oops maybe I should not have
said turkey) into sugar deprivation? Are you crazy?
I can go buy bigger clothes at the year end clearance sales and
avoid throwing away all those cookies and candies that are still here to
enjoy.
Then in February, after Valentines Day, I can think about warmer weather, or
wait, I can think about Easter!!! That is right Easter, Passover, and all those
breads, and marshmallow stuffed rabbits. YUM!
I am so doomed. If I could ever figure out which tooth was my sweet tooth
I would have it removed. However, I do hear that they grow back!
Happy New Year! Enjoy your food and your email!
Merry Christmas Snoopy Lovers!
This is really fun. Thanks to all of our military around the world. Thanks for the sacrifices you make for us every day.
Merry Christmas to everyone whether you love Snoopy or not.
Have a joyous holiday season.
Joke: Love Story Gone Bad
Love
Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.
Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool. Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.
He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna’s heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, ‘Edna, I have good news and bad news.
The good news is you’re being discharged, since you were able to respond rationally to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life
of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.
The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he’s dead.’
Edna replied, ‘He didn’t hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?’
Happy Mental Health day!
Historical Fun Facts! The Good Old Days or Not?
The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn’t just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the1500s:
IN THE 1500’S
Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.
Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, Don’t throw the baby out with the Bath water..
Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying . It’s raining cats and dogs.
There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house.. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection.. That’s how canopy beds came into existence.
The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, Dirt poor. The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance way. Hence the saying a thresh hold.
In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme, Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old..
Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could bring home the bacon. They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and chew the fat..
Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.
Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper crust.
Lead cups were used to drink ale or whiskey. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would
take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a wake.
England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, thread it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift.) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be saved by the bell or was considered a dead ringer.
Who said history was boring !
Another Smarter Than A Pre-Schooler Quiz
Which way is the bus below traveling?
To the left or to the right?
Can’t make up your mind?
Look carefully at the picture again.
Still don’t know?
Pre-schoolers all over the United States
were shown this picture asked the same question.
90% of the pre-schooler’s gave this answer.
‘The bus is traveling to the left.’
When asked, ‘Why do you think the bus is traveling to the left?’
They answered:
‘Because you can’t see the door to get on the bus.’
How do you feel now ???
I know, me too.
Did you just have an “AH HA” Moment?
🙂
Words of Encouragement 